Anyone There?

Well I just took myself a nice, long break didn’t I? Last thing I remember writing about was a old grown man, that I didn’t know, who was trying a little to hard to insert himself in my personal business. Next thing I know the world went to crap and then everyone was stuck in the house.

The year is 2021 and the only thing I can say about the remainder of 2020 is….whew! I am not even sure of where to begin. I don’t want to recap everything that happened with Corona Virus, the lockdowns, the toilet paper debacle, the protests, the elections, and the scandals as I am sure the entire WORLD is tired. I will say that Lorenzo and I are still…existing.

We’ve both been blessed enough to be able to keep our jobs throughout the entire pandemic (so far). He and I both have been working from home since late February of last year. Things were going fine with us for a while. During the lockdown there was literally nowhere to go and nowhere to spend any money so I literally saved SO much on my credit card bills earlier in the year. Then I started shopping online so I wouldn’t have to leave the house at all. By May everyone had cabin fever, small businesses were going under, Zo and I missed our friends and I missed dressing up and going out (ME, the queen of “no pants, no bra, no problem” was actually dying to get out of the house). We had to cancel our Anniversary trip to Australia, and another trip to Puerto Rico, plus both Lorenzo and I were doing our military stuff online.

As I’m sure many people experienced, most of this year has been a blur. Just a lot of staying at home and only socializing in small groups whenever possible. There are some people, well, many people who chose to ignore all of the social distancing rules and shut downs put in place. Georgia was one of the first states to partially reopen, because you know… people needed haircuts. Right now, even in January there are many places in Atlanta that are still having parties and large gatherings, pandemic be dammed. It seems that while other countries took this very serious, shut everything down, and offered support to the unemployed the U.S. just seems to be all over the place and can’t make up their minds on how to handle this (don’t even get me started on the stimulus check fiasco).

I want to be optimistic about this year but is really hard to when we are supposed to be on the downward end of a pandemic but our numbers of reported cases and deaths are still rising. I’m not even sure what to focus on. I didn’t get out of the Army like I said I would, I have the opportunity to go on a mobilization in Staten Island but I’m holding off on hat for as long as possible. I wanted to put time aside to read more, but I still want to spend time with my husband as well. I want to start looking for a new job, but that seems to keep getting brushed off and now with everything on, I’m not sure if its a good idea.

So where do we go from here? I know that we have to just keep pushing forward, the question is…HOW? I think I will start by writing.

Four Things I’ve Learned About My Hair Since Going (Back To) Natural

The first time my mother put a perm (a.k.a a relaxer) in my hair I had to be about 10 years old. She used to do it for me every now and then, or someone in my family would, until I was about 15 and I learned to do it on my own. I’d been relaxing my hair well into my 30’s. The only reason I went (back to) natural in the first place was because my stylist recommended it when I first moved to Atlanta in 2013. The first time I went to see him I had about 5 inches of new growth and he asked me about how often I used to relax my hair. I told him I only did it about once or twice a year, because my hair was so thin that it would fall out if it did it any more than that (in hindsight I realize, my hair being so thin it was falling out should have been enough for me to stop relaxing it in the first place, but I digress). Curtis (my stylist) told me he’d help me transition back to natural.

So here are a 4 things I learned about my hair since I stopped relaxing it.

The more I leave it alone, the more it grows.

I kind of always known this about my hair but was too addicted to changing up my hair all the time to fit into this “Diva” persona I had going on in my 20’s. I noticed the most hair growth when I was wearing wigs faithfully and doing a simple wash, deep condition, and braiding it back up. When I was seeing Curtis, he would straighten it for me and I would literally leave it alone either wearing it down or braiding it up and making it “wavy” until I could see him again. My hair went from a bob length to just past my shoulders in less than a year. When he asked me what I was doing to it in between visits, I said “nothing” and he didn’t believe me. I just left it alone unless I absolutely HAD to do it. Who knew my laziness would come in handy?

Fast forward 4 years and I had to cut it off…most of it. Why? Because I tried to straighten it myself using a blowout lotion and I completely overdid it (facepalm). No more waves. My hair was lifeless. I waited a few months and had a friend come help me trim the “straight ends” but that ended up being most of my hair. Cutting it all off and starting over made me realize…

My hair is curly AF.

I NEVER knew my hair could curl the way it does. Even when I was a kid my mother would blow dry it straight before she braided it. My friend instructed me to let my hair air dry as much as possible, which was easy because I didn’t have much hair to work with. I had NO CLUE what to do with it, and don’t get me wrong, there were times where I hated the way it looked because it was curly in the back and “wavy” in the front. It wasn’t uniform at all so it was weird for me to style it. (I went back to my wigs often during that first year). I also discovered that…

I think my hair has about 3 different personalities.

I don’t think that I have different curl patterns, but I definitely have about 3 different…situations with my hair. My curl pattern seems to be an S wave thing all around my head but the back of my hair has more defined curls, they are easier to work with, take products easily, and has the most shrinkage. The front of my hair has the same S pattern (which took about 9 months to even develop), not as much shrinkage as the back, and tends to need more attention. Then there is this random patch in the middle that just kind of does whatever it wants. Sometimes it cooperates like the back and then other times it wants to be difficult like the front. Literally depends on the day.

After watching so many YouTube videos about natural hair, I also discovered that…

I have Low porosity hair.

I did all the little strand tests and everything, but the fact that I could be standing under the shower head or spraying water directly to my hair and it will just bounce off like a ball bouncing off a wall should have been a dead giveaway.

Its also dry AF.

This is what I’m working on right now. I’ve had a lot of breakage last year a result of me not keeping it properly moisturized and getting overzealous with the detangling brush. I put the brush down and started making sure I try to hydrate at a minimum of every other day. My favorite oil is from Embrace Naturally Haircare and I just started using their whipped moisturizing butter when I do my twist outs.

But lets not get too excited, I only know about 4 hair styles and will still put on a wig in a heartbeat if my hair starts getting on my nerves. It has grown quite a bit since I cut it off in 2018 and I straightened it once since then (it took me all day and I’ll probably never do it again).

Overall this has been a fun journey for me. I don’t know what my hair goals are right now but I do know that I am never putting another relaxer in my hair again. Its thick, curly, dry, and annoying but its beautiful and I love it.

I Guess I’ll Talk About 2020

It never dawned on me last week to write about what happened last year. I mean, we all know what happened and some of us would rather forget all of it, but still I guess it would help me to get it out.

What happened to us in 2020: a whole lot of nothing.

After the pandemic started to send many people home from work, there wasn’t much of anything going on for a few months. Lorenzo and I literally stayed at home for almost 2 months straight and only left the house to get food and necessities (honestly, its was the most money I saved in a very long time). Fortunately for both Zo and I we weren’t laid off from work. Zo and I were already working from home so there was no adjustment for us there, we just had to get used to not going out. Instead of laying people off, my job issued pay cuts instead. It wasn’t too hard to take considering other people were losing their jobs altogether.

After a few months some places started to re-open, with contingencies- masks and social distancing are now required. Which was fine by me because I didn’t like the idea of people being so close to me anyway. By the time our anniversary came around in May, not only was there no where to go, but Lorenzo’s mom also got very sick (non COVID related). She ended up in the hospital for about a week, so all of his siblings went to Myrtle Beach support her (even though they couldn’t go see her). It was nice for them because they all hadn’t been together in over 10 years.

Both Lorenzo and I weren’t allowed to back to drill for a few months, and the he started going back in June. I had to scratch any and all plans I had for his birthday, which I wanted to make a big deal out of since it was his 40th. Nope. Nada, nothing. For the Forth of July we risked it all to go to NJ to see my family. My younger brother and his girlfriend were having a baby and we wanted to celebrate them no matter how small. They also got engaged at the “mini” shower and we welcomed KJ about a month later.

By the time my birthday came around in August, Atlanta was making adjustments to the “new norm” and Zo and I were able to spend a night a hotel and order room service. At that point, a change of scenery was MUCH needed and appreciated. A few weeks later I finally went skydiving. Lorenzo came with me and it became one more thing I was able to cross off my bucket list (this will have to be it’s own separate post, it was such a good day).

A few more months went by and next thing you know it was Thanksgiving and Christmas and both Zo and I were so confused how to celebrate them. I think everyone was to be honest. At this point people all over were so “over” the pandemic that they were willing to risk getting COVID or potentially giving it to someone else, just so they could see their families. Lorenzo and I opted not to go that route. The entire year we’ve kept our social lives very limited and distanced as much as possible. Even now I’m still weary of being around people so I’m happy I haven’t been to drill and I’m not looking forwarding to going back.

Yes I’m still in the Army.

No, I’m not a vegetarian anymore.

I never took the PMP.

I started reading more (I also started buying more books, but that’s neither here nor there).

I started a short story.

No I didn’t finish it.

I probably need glasses.

So…yeah..that was 2020.

I Made a Dish!

I know I haven’t been around for a while, so I’m honestly not even sure if I mentioned this before, but I am not a fan of cooking. (GASP!)

Its just not my thing. I know HOW to cook and I’ve been cooking since I was about 8 years old, but its never something I enjoyed doing. My sister on other hand who works in Criminal Justice but really should have been a chef LOVES to cook and will literally do nothing else. Maybe it was because it was something that was pushed on me at a young age (I am the oldest of 7) which led to me being turned off to it; or, it could have been that we were very poor growing up so we didn’t have much access to trying many different things and our options were limited. I didn’t mind trying new recipes, but I could never get with eating the same things over, and over, and over. I eventually became turned off with it all together.

Lorenzo knew this about me before we got married. He’s southern and grew up in an environment where the men worked and the women tended to the children and household. So having a woman do all the cooking for him wasn’t unfamiliar. He grew up poor also, so going out to eat was just not a thing they did (side note: he once told me he never had fast food growing up. The first time he had Burger King was right before he started college). But anyway, Lorenzo never expected me to have all his meals done as soon as he walked in because a) he likes to go out to eat (understandably) and b) we both have 2 jobs! That’s not fair for me to be the the only person responsible for all of the cooking.

Since I now have more access to different foods and the independence to make what I want I don’t mind experimenting every now and then. So the other day I did a Google Search: “What’s for Dinner?” and found a website with 60 recipes for easy dinners. The website is called Modern Proper and I’d never heard of it before then.

I landed on the Tortellini Soup with Italian Sausage and Kale and decided to make that one. It was a very easy recipe to make and even though the instructions say it was 4 servings, we managed to get six out of it. Maybe we have smaller stomachs over here, I don’t know. For all of you non meat eaters of the world, you can substitute the sausage with one Beyond Meat or Impossible brand and I guess if you want to go completely vegan you would substitute the chicken stock for vegetable stock, the tortellini for a vegan kind, the heavy cream for cashew cream and voila! Vegan.

Here is the recipe:

Ingredients

• 1 lbMild italian sausage, ground
• 1Onion, minced
• 6Garlic cloves, minced
• 1 quartChicken stock
• 1 (14 oz can)Crushed tomatoes
• 2 tbspTomato paste
• 1 tspSalt
• 1Bunch kale, stems removed
• 1 (10 oz) bagTortellini, fresh (not dried)
• 1 cupHeavy cream
• Parmesan cheese (optional)
• ¼ tspRed pepper flakes (optional)

Method

1. Heat a large soup pot over medium-high heat.
2. Add the sausage, onions and garlic to the pot and and sauté until the onions are soft an translucent, about 5 minutes. (Drain off any excessive fat.)
3. Add the chicken stock, crushed tomatoes and tomato paste. Whisk until tomato paste is fully incorporated.
4. Bring to a boil, season with salt then simmer for 15 minutes.
5. Add the kale, tortellini and heavy cream.
6. Simmer for 3-5 minutes until the kale is wilted and the pasta is tender.
7. Serve with parmesan cheese and red pepper flakes if desired.

I took a picture of my version of the final product. Let me know what what you think. I really enjoyed it, it was easy to make and most of the ingredients are usually things I have in the house anyway. The only weird thing I had to do was remove the meat from the casing because I couldn’t find ground sausage at the store. I have a few other recipes from this site that I want to try, so I will probably write about those as well. And I promise the next time I write about a recipe, it won’t be so lengthy 🙂

Knowing When to Shut Up

Tact is one of those things that many people do not possess; I must admit that its one of those things that I need to work on myself, but to combat that, I just simply, stay quiet. Zo is really good with tact. He avoids confrontation when he can and when faced with a difficult conversation, he is able to remain calm and talk to you in a way that isn’t offensive (I’ve literally watched him tell someone he was lying to his face and the guy didn’t get defensive, but was trying to explain himself). Zo says I have an issue with being condescending. I’m not purposely trying to be mean, but I just don’t like the when people try to talk to me like I’m an idiot, especially when I know that person is in fact the idiot.

So, anyway, whenever Zo and I travel back to his hometown, I get to see where his skills come into play first hand. He is always telling me about the mindset of the people that live there. He grew up in a semi small community where everyone LITERALLY knows everyone else, so he was able to witness first hand how many people think and saw how they conduct their lives. Long story short, we went back South Carolina, right outside of Myrtle Beach for a cook out (cold as it was). Zo stayed outside with the men and I stayed inside the house with the women. After dinner, everyone was getting ready to leave to go to a local “hole in the wall” (their words, not mine) for someone’s birthday. While we were there some guy, lets call him J, was talking to Zo and I about marriage. He starts saying things like, “After 5 years, you know your wife better than she knows herself” (our 5-year anniversary is in May) and “when you guys have an argument, don’t go and tell your sister, keep your family out of your business” (I’ve never done that, so whatever). When I told him we don’t have kids, he goes on to say, “I feel like a man/woman who doesn’t want kids is a wasted man/woman” (excuse me?).

But my favorite was, “He’s the king and you’re the queen, but he has the final say, because he’s the man. It in the Bible.” I laughed so hard ya’ll. So, so hard. I had to educate this man, who is probably a good 20 something years older than I am, that I have a say on what goes on in my own home, especially if I’m paying bills. My husband and I discuss things, we come up with plans, we work things out, I offer another point of view for him to consider or think of things he may have missed. He values my business acumen, we respect each other’s opinions. I relayed this story to a few people who were really offended by it. I had to remind them that I was mentally prepared for it before we went there, which contributes to why I wasn’t upset about it at all. It just reinforced all the stuff that Zo was already telling me.

Zo doesn’t get offended by that kind of stuff because he knows that those people don’t know him that well. They don’t know how he manages his life, they don’t know what he does for a living, they don’t know what he went through to get where he is, all they know is who his family is. People like to make assumptions about others, that’s just how it is. I can’t get angry every time it happens because I’d be angry all the time (and honestly, who wants to deal with that? I have stuff to do). I guess this is where tact comes in on my part, but honestly, people should really learn when to stop talking.

 

2020 Update: February Edition

February is almost over and I was able to find a goal to work towards this year.

Wait. Let me rewind a bit. Last month, I hosted a baby shower for my brother and his lady so that took up most of time for the past few months. The baby was born on his actual due date of Feb 15th, so now I have a nephew. I’m just gonna call him DJ.  Lorenzo is recovering very nicely from his surgery. He is walking now, without his crutches, but there is still swelling and limp but the doctor wants him to keep walking on it. He should be starting physical Therapy soon and he is dying to start working out again. Such a Marine.

While I’ve been looking for other jobs I’ve also been attending the Project Management Institute training meetings and familiarizing myself with the PMBOK Guide in my spare time. I don’t know if any of this will lead anywhere but I’m guess its a start. But at the beginning of the year, I said that I wanted to work on project this year, but I just didn’t know what the project was going to be or even how to start looking for one. I decided not to make an extensive list like I did the year before, so I decided to let one just come to me.

Sometime last year I told Lorenzo I needed to start preparing for my retirement from the Army. I would be losing my part -time income so I needed to find a another way to make up for it. I’d always be interested in learning more about how to manage finances and learn how to trade in the markets but I was thinking of maybe starting a finance blog and making money from that (I know that kind of thing takes time, and I should have started on it then, but I didn’t and here we are). Back in October of last year, I received a letter in the mail about a trading academy having a one day orientation to learn about their school. Lorenzo and I went and it turned out to be exactly what I wanted to do. So I think I am going to pursue this a bit more an see how it goes. I still may end up doing a learning blog for finance related things, but for now I am just going to focus on getting my PMP, and learning these skills. I’m not going to over work myself (again) because when I try to set my sights on too many different things I end up not doing anything at all.

The goal here, is to pick one or two things, and master them.

That seems a bit more realistic.

Being Showered With Babies

I’m tired y’all. Not mentally, but physically. Since my last post I’ve been taking care of Lorenzo, literally hand and foot for about 3 weeks total. I had to get the house ready to host my entire family, AND plan the last minute details of the baby shower I said I would host for my brother. I think that if Lorenzo weren’t hurt, things would have gone by smoother, I had so many last minute (literally the week of) things go wrong that by the time my family was here I was almost fed up. They were minor things, but to me, the details matter.

Since the whole family was here the they were able to help me out so much by putting up décor, cleaning, and helping pay for food and smaller items.  I am not sure how much I spent total, but I’m sure I can add everything up if I review my receipts. I don’t mind, I knew what I was getting myself into I just wish I would have managed it better. Even though the party was successful, I feel like it could have been the perfect opportunity to put my project management skills to the test. I should have written out a plan and created a budget. I could have been more detailed with the instructions for my family and how I wanted things to pan out. It didn’t help that I still had to work, go to drill, help Zo with everything, cook and clean, and also help him with a different business venture he is looking into. I could have managed my time better.

But now that I am done beating myself up, my brother and his girlfriend LOVED the shower. He said that it exceeded his expectations, but it was my vision come to life. It was just little things (that they didn’t even notice) that I felt could have been better. Having my family here was great. They were an amazing help and great company. I am still not sure how I managed to fit 10 adults and 2-3 kids in this house but we made it work. Lorenzo loved having them too. When he was finally cleared to start putting some pressure on his foot, he was a tremendous help as well (even though I was scared he was going to fall at some point). All the guests had a good time, they loved the food, the games and the prizes. My neighbor, who also contributed asked when our next event was, and I was just OVER it. I need a break, even though I really want to plan something for Lorenzo’s birthday this year I’m not sure if I should. I kind of just want to run away together, but he can’t run too much, his foot might not be healed yet. And I don’t know if I should plan ANOTHER party for the summer, my family might not make it because my other brother announced he and his lady are also expecting this summer. Yes, surrounded by babies in 2020.

One Week Into 2020

Around Christmas time, a friend of mine added a meme on Facebook that read “My fiancé and I started a baby jar & every time someone asks when we’re going to have kids we put a dollar in & when the jar is full we will spend it on whatever we want bc we don’t have kids”. I thought this was a really cute idea and I voiced it. Another friend of ours said he really hates when people ask that question but he wants to help me out. By Jan 4th, I had $4 for my “jar” (two from my friend and a dollar each from my brother and his girlfriend). Fortunately, since I work from home I probably won’t get this question that much, because most of the people in my life have already given up on asking me about it, which I greatly appreciate.

Two days after Christmas, Lorenzo got the surgery on his ankle (from his injury last summer), his mother and brother came down to help out and stayed for a few days. He seems to be in very good spirits and isn’t being a huge pain in the ass. He literally has to sit down and keep his leg elevated as much as possible. So that means I have to wait on him hand and foot all day long. After 7 days of this he was dying to get out of the house. Friday, we went to dinner with one of his friends from college and his wife, by the time we got home his foot has swelled up like a balloon, so that cancelled any other plans he wanted to have for the rest of the weekend. He was kind of sad that he can’t really travel, another friend of his invited us to go to Costa Rica with them at the end of Jan, but we definitely can’t go because he isn’t cleared to travel. It wouldn’t have been fun anyway with him being on crutches and not really being able to move around. I’d rather wait until he has healed a bit more before going anywhere. We said that we would travel more this year, but didn’t anticipate him being immobile for the first half of it.

Speaking of resolutions, I haven’t made many this year. Last year I had a laundry list and I don’t think I touched on any of them. This year I decided to just focus on work, and maybe ONE task. I do want to create something, I am just not sure what it is yet. I think I am going to work on one writing project and then see how far I can get with it. I still haven’t found a way to stop being so easily distracted (Once, I had some free time and I was going to use some writing prompts I found on Pintrest to do some freestyle writing and ended up spending 2 hours reading about the Revolutionary War and when all the military branches where founded). That’s something I actually need to work in improving- my procrastination issues and why finding out why I’m so easily distracted. I already self diagnosed myself if Social Anxiety Disorder, I might as well go for ADD as well. Why not?

How Christmas Turned Into A Conversation About Communication

Since Christmas fell in the middle of the week this year, my job gave us Christmas Eve and Christmas Day off, so I’m back at work today. On Christmas Eve, Lorenzo and I slept in late and didn’t make any plans. I was just going to do my hair and get some reading done. My younger brother Kevin, called and asked what we were up to and if we wanted to hang out since today was the only day our other bother, Keith, had the day off. So I ended up having a very last minute, impromptu “dinner” party with my brother’s, their significant others, and their high school friend, Cooper. Gatherings with my family are always “high energy”, so after we ate, talked, and watched some tv, we spoke with my Aunt who lives in Texas for a while and had a good time.

Christmas Day, same thing, we slept in late had some breakfast and packed up to hang out with some friends in Mableton. Lorenzo and I exchanged gifts the night before, but in all honestly I think we only bought each other something, just to have something to give the other person, only because it was Christmas. We buy each other things throughout the year, so I really didn’t see a need to go all out for Christmas. Lorenzo literally went to buy my gifts on Christmas Eve around 5pm. I was surprised he came back with something. I gave my self a little credit because I bought him something a week ago and then I ordered something else which didn’t arrive until today. It’s not like we needed anything, I think we need to save our money as much as possible to get our basement finished (unless someone wants to give me $40,000…any takers?). Oh Well.

But anyway, at our friends’ house we had dinner with them and another couple, but they had to leave after dinner because they had a long drive home. Some family came over (another couple), we went to the basement for Charades, Taboo, and beer pong. Many Tequila shots later a topic of preferences came up (with regards to looks) and a very heated debate about communication ensued…for hours. This was definitely a men vs. women debate and how we communicate with each other and what is being said against how it has been interpreted. A reoccurring thing I tend to notice with some men is how they can be so stubborn that they’d risk hurting their partner’s feelings just to be “right” or “win” the disagreement. Instead of actually trying to SOLVE the problem, they’d rather be “right”. I need people to understand that “keeping score” and needing to “win” does nothing but cause resentment and will probably create more arguments. Sometimes you have to swallow your pride and put your ego to the side, sometimes for the sake of keeping the peace. Not every disagreement needs to be a major argument, and sometimes you will just have to come to terms that you just don’t agree on a particular topic. No one is saying to lie, or not state how you feel because you should be able to, but keeping score about things just to throw them back in someone’s face doesn’t make anything better. I read something somewhere that said, “When arguing with a loved one, its not you against your partner, its you and your partner against the issue”, which I think makes complete sense (and I normally hate random “advice” I see online, but this one resonated with me).

I think part of the issue that our friend’s were having is that one of them has this mindset of “I am, who I am and that’s it”, while some of us were trying to explain that, “Its not what you say, its HOW you say it”,  and even if you do mess up,  be humble enough to either apologize or try to at least UNDERSTAND where the other person is coming from instead of getting angry. I feel like its emotionally lazy when a person knows they have a bad habit, or character flaw that causes pain to others and they acknowledge it, but yet refuse to do anything about it. At some point in life we all have to take accountability for our actions, and how we conduct ourselves. “That’s just the way I am” and “I’m already stuck in my ways” are just excuses to be lazy and irresponsible with your personal growth. Would it kill you to learn how to improve your communication with the person you love for the sake of your relationship? Because here’s the thing: eventually people get tired of “that’s just the way I am” and not everyone sticks around to put up with it. There is nothing wrong with self-improvement. There is nothing wrong with growing mentally and learning emotional intelligence. I’m just saying to start off by acknowledging your own flaws and trying to come up with ways to actively tweak said flaws.

When I say this conversation lasted for hours, I literally meant it, until about 4am. Fortunately for both Zo and I we had pretty slow days at work. But I have to go help Zo get ready for his surgery tomorrow. Poor thing is going to be out of commission for a few weeks, so that means no New Year’s Eve partying for me. I’ll be ringing in the new decade tending to my boo.

 

Should I Buy My Husband A Christmas Gift?

Christmas is next week and the New Year is right after that, and Lorenzo and I never bothered to buy any decorations. I’m not sure if we are even getting gifts for each other this year. One of the perks of not having children is that no one will miss it if we don’t put up a tree and decorate. Unless you are one of those people who are really into it, then sure. I thought I wanted to do it, but then Lorenzo reminded me that no one was going to be over to see them anyway, plus, I didn’t want to have extra stuff to just store in the basement, so I nixed the idea. We were invited to go to our friends’ house for Christmas dinner, otherwise we probably would have just stayed at home and in bed. I really like that there is no pressure to do those things. For example I never make a big deal about Valentine’s Day; I actually tell Zo all the time not to bother, its just another day.  Even though I told him I don’t really want or need any thing he said there is “always something small I can get you”, so now I feel like I have to get something so I don’t show up on Christmas empty handed looking like an A-hole.

In other news I decided to go on Ancentry.com to see how much information I can find on my family. I used my maternal Grandmother’s obituary to get the names of my great-grandparents and it just kind of went from there. I had to ask my dad for information on his grandparents and I actually got pretty far back on both sides. I’ve been able to get as far back as my 3’rd and 4th great grandparents on my mothers side. I reached out to a few of my Aunts to see if they could give me more information and verify some of the stuff I’ve found and apparently my grandmother has one sibling still living, and gave me her contact information so I could reach out to her. I’d never met any of her siblings (they all lived in South Carolina and my family has lived in NJ since my mother was born) I just heard there was 8 of them. I am hoping that she would be able to provide more information that would help in the search or at least leave me open to meeting new family members that I never met before.

During all of this research Lorenzo was asking me about how I would get more of this information, and I told him that I would have to reach to some family members. He talks to his mother and aunts and uncle on an almost regular basis, while I only talk to my family occasionally on Facebook and I only see them if there is a funeral. I talk to my siblings almost daily but everyone else is just “I’ll see ya, when I see ya”. There is no malicious reasoning behind this. It’s just that I’m busy, they’re busy, and I know my family better than he does. My family is very different from his. His family is actually nice to each other. This year, my family was able to have 2 successful encounters without any incidents, and I’m just happy to take that as a win and move on with my life. I don’t want to get greedy. Lorenzo feels like I can be more proactive about it, but only with the people who don’t trigger my worst qualities. I told him that I would try. I mean I feel the way he does, sometimes, but I get caught up in my life, which I’m sure TONS of people do, but to him that sounds like an excuse. I told him that I would try to do better. When I told my siblings they were making jokes saying, “So that’s only going to be about 3 or 4 people?” (out of almost 100) which is very true.

Wish me luck people.

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