One thing I’ve learned to let go of in my late 20’s: DRAMA. Now don’t get me wrong, getting all the “tea” and watching people “throw shade” can be entertaining at times, which is probably why reality TV is so popular, but be that as it may, I’ve outgrown it for the most part. Meaning, I don’t mind listening to my sister go on an on about the crazy things her coworkers do now and then, but I don’t want to be directly involved if that makes any sense. I’d prefer using that juicy gossip as a storyline in a book I want to write or something.
Gossipy people tend to take things too far; they like to fill in the gaps where they do not have all the information. Then the gullible person will take that information and run with it or probably add to it, and by the time they’re done, you have this incredible, yet false, story that’s been entirely concocted from what could have easily been an completely innocent encounter. Rinse and repeat.
It’s exhausting. People who do this are exhausting.
I had to detach myself from decade-long friendship with a woman who wouldn’t let the drama go. Even as the relationship was ending and she was basically telling me what a shitty friend I was, all I could think of doing was giving her a standing ovation for her failed attempt to manipulate the situation in her favor. You can’t treat people badly and then turn around and feign sympathy when they call you out. You can’t use the “I’m going through something” excuse when you are ALWAYS going through something. As I’ve gotten older people like this have lost me because 1) you can’t turn every single situation into the Attention-Seeking Olympics and not expect people get tired of it and 2) Everyone goes through things. EVERYONE. Some of us don’t feel a compulsive need to shout it from a rooftop every 5 seconds.
I am sure many people can relate to this, but my friend’s list has gotten shorter as I’ve gotten older and I am content with the small group of friends that I have. The people I keep around me are not needy, dramatic, self-absorbed, reckless, dense, and unaccountable. But rather they are smart, funny, driven, goal-oriented, and focused. I actually keep a small list of people with whom I choose not to get too close to:
– People who need to talk to me every day in order to feel like the relationship is “real” (I’m an introvert, too much small talk drains me; and I’m busy, don’t you have something to do? Let me miss you.)
– People who gossip all of the time, especially about other people they claim are their “friends,”
-Couples who make up to break up
-People who feel comfortable badmouthing others behind their backs but will never attempt to solve whatever issue they have with the other person directly.
-Folks who regurgitate information without having all of the facts
Those are just a few turnoffs that I have. Lorenzo’s list is even longer than mine. I know it may feel like we are anti-social but we are just protecting our space. Keeping these kinds of people at a distance is good for my sanity. I’ve learned over the years that there are some people who are just not worth it.